An Ending, A Beginning
by L.Daniels
Summary: While on the run, Red and Liz struggle to come to terms with their relationship and their true feelings. Lizzington
1. Chapter 1

She woke up on at the very edge of the bed, the light just barely creeping through the window. She looked around and was confused when she didn't recognize where she was. Then she remembered. She turned over onto her back and looked to the sleeping figure beside her- Red. They've been on the run 2 weeks. Different hotel every night. Different names every day. Different cars. The only consistency was the person they both woke up to each morning- each other. So waking up to find him beside her was the only thing she knew she could count on; and it was a sight she'd never tire of seeing.

Unconsciousness had a way on his features; made him look younger. She couldn't quite put her finger on what made him look younger- he just had a youthfulness to him in sleep. But it was still him. His lips were still his lips, his nose was still his nose, his chin was still his chin...his eyes were still his eyes. He was still the man that risked his life to save hers. The man that quietly looked after her from the shadows; her invisible benefactor; her sin eater...

It was as if he knew the very moment she woke up, because just as she looked over to him, his eyes slowly crept open. Looking over to her, their eyes met. For a few seconds they held each other's gaze. They could read each other; hear each other's unspoken words. Red smiled. "Hello Lizzie" his voice was a rough, low growl.

"Hello Ray" She whispered. She returned a smile and he sat up. He reached onto the bedside table and grabbed his watch. He latched it around his wrist and picked up his glasses as he got to his feet. It was odd, for years the only thing she's ever seen him wear was a suit. Dress shirt, dress pants, a tie; but now, on the run- he settles for a more comfortable, less eye catching attire. This morning he's adorning a short sleeve maroon pocket shirt and navy blue plaid pajama pants. And with his frameless glasses and slippers, he looks so...normal.

"What would you like for breakfast?" He asks as he stops in the doorway- about to leave the bedroom.

"How about we go out for breakfast today?" A shy smile cracked across his lips.

"As you wish." And he walked away, out into the living room. She looked up at the ceiling. There was an emptiness in her stomach and an ache in her chest. Two weeks, that's all it took. Two weeks for her to fall in love with him. She didn't know what to do, she was afraid to tell him. Afraid it would complicate matters even further, but all she wanted was to talk to him. She didn't want to keep hiding it- it was too much for her to bare. 'take a breath Liz' she whispered to herself. She gathered herself and slowly got to her feet and out of the bed. She took her time as she stepped to the doorway. She looked out into the living room and saw him sitting on one of the chairs. His glasses were slid down his nose a bit, his right leg crossed over the left and in his lap, in his hand, sat a book. This was him. This is the man he is, not the monster the world sees him as. He's just a simple man, a man who wants nothing more than to live a normal life. A life filled with books and puzzles, family picnics and walks in the park- not steel cages and tracking devices, secrets and lies. Even he deserves more than that. And now, being away from it all she thinks he may actually be able to start over, to have a normal life...with her. She must have stood in that doorway for five minutes before she caught herself in a gaze. She was going to say something, but then didn't. Instead she took one last look and went back into the bedroom. But then he noticed her movement in the doorway.

"Lizzie." he called out. She stepped back into the doorway and she put on a fake smile.

"Yeah." She met his eyes and she felt her heart sink to her stomach. She wanted to tell him...

"Is everything alright?" Her mouth fell open as she searched for the words, something, anything other than the truth. All she was able to come up with in the millions of thoughts surging through her mind was,

"Yeah. I'm fine. I...I'm fine..." She tried to cover with another smile, but he caught the tone in her voice, the look in her eyes. Her heart pounded inside her chest as she feared that he had figured it out.

"What is it, Lizzie." He moved his glasses up from his nose. Ready to listen; ready to talk. She just shook her head.

"Nothing. It's nothing...I'm going to go take a shower." She slipped back into the bedroom and into the bathroom where she closed the door behind her.

Stricken, Red closed his book and uncrossed his legs. He sat there for a minute, silent, unsure of what to do, what to think. He set the book on the table and stood up, making his way into the bedroom. He paused in the doorway as he heard the water turn on and the curtain being pulled back. What was going on inside her head? He wondered. He bit his lip and looked about the room. There were clothes scattered everywhere. He knelt down and began to fold the strewn pieces of clothing; placing them in neat piles on the floor. He then got up and walked over to make up the bed. He tossed the pillows and comforter to the floor as he started with the under sheet. Red was no stranger to making a bed. In the navy it was part of the protocol. They had to do what's called 'Hospital Corners'. And that's exactly what he was doing now. One at a time he took each corner- pulled it tight, folded it- then tucked it.

As he threw the comforter across the bed, Liz came out of the bathroom- wrapped only in towel. Her skin riddled with tiny droplets of water, her hair wet. Reds lips parted as the air fled from his lungs. "Here, let me help you." Red snapped out of it as Liz pulled the sheet from his hands.

"Yes, thank you." He regained his grip and together they positioned the sheet. "Just a little more on your side...almost...right there." He reached to the floor and picked up the pillows- handing one to her. "Perfect." They meet each other's eyes and smile. Red felt his eyes drop for a second, and when he met her eyes again, he knew she noticed. Embarrassed- he cleared his throat and apologized. "I'm sorry, that was...I'm sorry. I think it's time I get a shower as well." He smiled unconvincingly and then walked past her and into the bathroom. As he swung the door shut, latching it, Liz stopped him.

"Don't lock the door; I may still need in there." Liz said turning around to the door. She waited for a response, but there wasn't one. Instead all she heard was the flick of the latch and then the door cracked open a few inches. She smiled. "Thank you." She gathered up her clothes and packed up what she wasn't going to need today. She set the bag by the door then walked back to the bathroom to dry her hair and brush her teeth. She stopped as she heard the water turn off. _Don't Liz, it'd be wrong..._ she thinks to herself. But she does it anyway. She creeps up to the door, standing just behind it and gazes through the thin gap. Steam fogs the mirror and ghosts the entire room. She can feel the heat on her face, she can smell his soap...its intoxicating. He steps into view, facing her- a towel wrapped around his waist. He reaches into his bag and pulls out shave cream. He squirts some into his hands and gently rubs it onto his face. He grabs the razor and ever so carefully begins outlining his jaw. _There's a mirror on that wall..._ Her eyes fall to his chest. The golden brown curls beaded with water. The curls thin at his Breast bone then pick up again at his lower stomach, disappearing beneath the towel. Her breath shakes as it escapes her lungs. Shaky enough to make a noise loud enough for him to hear. He looks over and just sees the flash of movement behind the door. He quickly reaches for his shirt and slips it on over his head. Liz knows he saw her, and she has to try and cover. So she knocks on the door before opening it. "Sorry, I just need to brush my teeth." He says nothing, just nods and steps aside. "Where's the toothpaste?"

"Under the sink."

When they returned from breakfast, they grabbed their bags from the hotel and we're back on the road. "How is this all gonna end?" She asks from the passenger seat.

"I don't know..." He paused. "But I do know, with no uncertainty, where you'll find me no matter what happens." Liz looks to him, confused.

"Where?"

"Beside you." He reached down and grabbed hold of her hand. "Where else would I be?"

The car fell silent as they drove from day into night. To the next city; next country. The next safe place to rest. The next stop on their ruthless journey to each other. 


	2. Chapter 2

"Lizzie..." He whispered as he brushed the hair from her face. She stirred and then her eyes opened.

"We're here." She sat up in her seat and looked out the front window. Before the car stood an old wooden cabin. "Where are we?"

"Someplace a little less temporary. We should be safe here for a couple of days." Red looked away from the house and over to Liz. "It's time we settle down. No more aimless driving." A smile swept across her face, and he mirrored it. "Why don't you go on inside, I'll get the bags." Liz nodded and stepped out of the car.

She opened the door and walked up the small set of stairs and onto the porch. She ran her hand along the railing. As red lifted the last bag from the trunk, he looked up and saw Lizzie still standing on the porch. He shook his head and smiled, shutting the trunk. He walked up onto the porch and set the bags down, walking over to her. "So is this it?" She asks. "Is this where it all ends?"

"No." He replied and she turned to him. "This is where it begins." And right then, was the first time that Liz hugged him. She wrapped her arms around his waist and hugged him. At first he didn't know how to react, but then he stopped thinking, and wrapped his arms around her.

"Thank you..."she said "for everything." He kissed her on top of the head.

"You're welcome." They stood there, wrapped in each other for a few moments longer before Red pulled away. "Come now Lizzie, we have a lot of work to do." He smiled and opened the door, stepping aside to let her through.

The house was old to say the least, the paint was peeling off the walls, the floor needed new boards, and the windows needed replaced. "She needs work. But we'll make her make her beautiful again." Liz took a look around before turning back around to red. "You can paint the walls whatever color you'd like, you can pick the floor, and I'll get new windows."

"You mean this place is ours?"

"It is. For now at least. Until I find you a better one." Liz smiled and nodded her head.

"Okay."

"Okay." Red repeated with a shy smile.

Red and Liz returned from the store with gallons of paint, brooms, brushes, dust masks and all the rest. They began by striping the walls of what was left of the paint- then they laid plastic over the floor. They set out the paint buckets, poured it and dipped their rollers in it. Liz wanted white paint. She wanted all the walls painted white, and she wanted a dark wood floor. She said it would give the house exactly what it needed- light. And of course, Red agreed.

It took them a good seven hours to paint the whole downstairs. When they finished they had to go upstairs to escape the fumes. They were too busy laughing about some story Red was telling her to realize that the floor beneath their feet wasn't exactly 'stable'. Because as Red was walking, he stepped and his foot went right through the floor, sending him down onto his back and bringing Lizzie down on top of him. With both of them laughing hysterically- it didn't seem to hurt as much. "I can fix that." He said still laughing.

"Yeah?" Liz questioned. Red met her eyes, their lips, inches from each other. He can feel her breath on his skin.

"Yeah." He confirmed. He could see her eyes switching from his to his lips. His heart began to race. She repositioned herself and he held his breath.

Then she stood up.

He released his lungs and took a breath. He sat up and pulled his leg from the floor, and she reached out a hand to help him up. He got to his feet once more and the tension between them was so tight you could cut it with a knife. "Are you alright?" Liz asks.

"Yeah, I'm alright. Can't say the same about the floor though." He says looking at the gaping whole he's punched through the boards. "I'll run out and get new boards tomorrow."

"I think that's a good idea." Red nods. Liz looks away and off down the hallway, she notices two doorways and a set of french doors. "Is the bedroom up here?" Red looks at sees the doorways as well.

"Must be."

Liz starts down towards the door and steps inside. Red follows but he checks in the other room first. Inside sits a lion claw bath, and an old sink and toilet. A single glass mirror hangs from the wall. An old latter sits in the corner and vines creep in through the window and up the wall. He steps back into the hallway and creeks open the french doors that sit on the adjacent wall. A balcony. "Well this is a bathroom, and that's a balcony, so that must be the bedroom-" his mouth falls as he turns from the balcony and into the bedroom. At the center of the floor, sits a bed. Carved dark beams create an overhead frame which is draped by white sheets that fall like a waterfall over the entire thing. The thin sheets swaying in the soft breeze that blows in from the window. "Wow."

"It's beautiful." Liz says in awe.

"It is," Red looks over to Liz. "Beautiful..." He didn't notice he was in a gaze. Liz turned around, the sweetest smile on her face. He returned a shy smile and turned away quickly and started for the door.

"Red-" she stopped him. He turned back around. His heart was racing, he knew what she was going to say. He was so terrified of the truth; of her. "When are we going to stop pretending." He tilted his head and bit the inside of his mouth.

"What do you mean, Lizzie." He said trying to buy time. He knew exactly what she meant.

"Don't-" she says. "You know exactly what I mean..."

"Lizzie-" he shakes his head. "We both know that you and I-" in seconds she managed to cover the distance between them and find his lips. He froze. She pulled away and they met each other's eyes. He took a breath and the closed the distance yet again. Pressing his lips against hers. The gentle kiss grew deeper. Liz ended the kiss and without breaking his gaze, she took off his glasses and his hat. He kissed her, slowly sliding his hands down her back and behind her legs, picking her up into his arms. He blindly made his way to the bed and while holding onto her with one arm, he held out the other to catch himself on the mattress. He gently lowered the two of them onto the cool white sheets. She started at the buttons on his shirt and he quickly grabbed her hands and pulled up. "No, Lizzie….I can't do this." He looked at her and his eyes said it all. "You don't want this." He shook his head and lowered his voice. "you don't want this…."

Liz sat up and he moved away to give her room. She brushed her hair back with her fingers and lightly nodded her head. "It's just, after all that's happened-"

"No, I get it. I'm sorry, is shouldn't have….it was foolish of me to think that you-"

"Elizabeth I love you." She looked at him; shocked. And in all honesty I think he was just as shocked that he'd said it.

"What…." His eyes sank and his stomach dropped. Facing the truth; admitting it was…..almost painful; because it was her. He didn't want to love her; he didn't want her to love him. She deserves far more than the life he will bring to her. He doesn't deserve her…

"I love you, Lizzie." He nodded his head as his eyes swelled and his lip trembled. "But I can't let you love me." She sat in silence as she looked at the pain and disappointment in his eyes; disappointment in himself.

"Will you lay with me?" He looked at her and shook his head as he began to stand up from the bed. She grabbed his arm. "Ray." He stopped at looked at her. _She'd never called him that before_ "Just lay with me…Stay…." She whispered. He swallowed hard. As much as he didn't want to admit it, He needed her just as much as she needed him; especially now.

He walked to the side of the bed and took a seat. He unlaced and took off his shoes and swung his legs up onto the mattress. As soon as he laid down, she curled up against him and rested her head on his chest. He awkwardly held his arm up in the air as she got comfortable then gently laid it on her side as she lay next to him. He could hear her breathing; within minutes she had fallen asleep. He softly smiled and rested his head against her and closed his eyes.

She doesn't remember falling asleep, but knows she must have when she wakes a second time. But this time the bed beside her is empty. She reaches over and feels it's still a bit warm. She sits up and combs her hair back from her face with her fingers. She hears shuffling outside and she got to her feet and walked out into the hallway. She opened the french doors and stepped out onto the balcony, and there she found Red. She walked up behind him where he sat in the chair and put an arm across his chest. He instinctually brought his hand up to her arm and let his head fall back into her stomach. Not a word was said, there didn't need to be. Instead, together they looked out over the thickly wooded landscape before them as the sun began to peek out from behind the hills.


	3. Chapter 3

By noon Red had laid the majority of the floor down and was now working on installing the new windows. Liz was inside the house, Red was outside. She was in what would eventually become the living room, replacing the pictures on the walls and placing the furniture. They didn't have time or the means to go out and purchase new furniture so they had just taken the furniture that was there; sanded, and stained it to give it new life. Much like the house, the furniture was a representation of their journey. Worn and torn, distressed. But now, they're dusting off their cobwebs, and smoothing out the rough areas.

There was something about the way she looked inside that house as she placed the pictures onto the wall. From where he stood outside, looking in at her...the window framing the most beautiful photograph he had ever seen. Only it wasn't a photograph, it was real. Right there in that moment, everything he had ever wanted was right in front of him. A big beautiful home, a place where he could live a normal life, with the woman he loves. And it just so happens that there is a stream out back where he can sit and watch things float by. So it appears that that someday was today. She looked up for a brief moment and saw him in the window looking in at her. His smile was just as pure as it was innocent. She smiled. Red turned away and stepped down from the ladder and around to the front door, from which he could see her. She stood up straight and waited for him to say or do whatever it was that was on his mind. "How's a walk sound? There's some place I'd like to show you." He said with a shy yet confident smile. She stood there a moment and looked up into the sky, it was cloudy and grey.

"Red, it's going to rain." She said.

"Are you going to melt, Lizzie?" He teased. She scoffed into a smile and shook her hand as she stepped towards the door and out to him where he met her with an elbow extended for her taking. He led them across the distance of the open property and to the wood line where he then proceeded to escort her down a small dirt path into the woods. All around them was nothing but trees and green brush, birds singing and the occasional woodpecker pecking.

"Where are you taking me?" She asked. Red scanned the surrounding area thoroughly, then his eyes stopped on a single tree and he smiled.

"Ahhhhh, there it is." He said relaxed. He walked over to the tree and brushed its bark.

"You brought me here to show me a tree?" She was confused.

"Not just any tree, Lizzie." He ran his fingers across the surface, then began clearing debris from the etched engraving in the wood. Liz stepped closer and ran her fingers across the lettering.

"LP and CR?" She questioned. There was no answer. She looked over to Red who was biting his lip.

"My parents." He paused. "Louise Parker and Clyde Reddington. My father bought this property when he met my mother...he bought it for her."

"So is this where you-"

"No." He cut her off. "I grew up in Massachusetts, but my father did bring me here when I was a boy."

"What were they like? Your parents?"

"My father was a military man. Lived by the book, objected to protocols, but he was also a teacher. A professor in English Literature. He loved to read, always had his nose in a book. He had a stern fist but the kindest of hearts. Never laid a hand on my mother, never cursed." He looked up and smiled. "Growing up, I wanted to be just like him." He suddenly laughed. "I remember, he had this little routine he did when he put his shoes on. He'd put his pants on then sit down in this old rickety chair that sat in the den, then he'd slip his socks on. Oh that's another thing! He always wore mismatched socks." He laughed. "Never once wore two of the same. Never. Anyway, he'd slip on his socks then push up his pant legs to the tops of the socks then put his shoes on. The left first, then the right. But then he tied them right to left. If the laces didn't look right to him on one foot, he'd untie them both and start over. And he wouldn't put his pant legs down until he stood up, he just let gravity take its course on them. And I remember sitting across the room from him as he sat in that chair, and I'd watch him and I'd follow along with him. Doing exactly as he did. And for as many years as I did that, I don't think he ever knew." She didn't know what to say, she'd never heard him talk about his parents, or about his past. She was actually stunned.

"My mother was just the same. She was unbearably kind and sweet. She was a cook. She was always in the kitchen experimenting, trying to create and come up with new things to make. She loved it. It was a science to her, and she was good at it. Every Sunday she made peach cobbler, Wednesday was Apple pie and then on Fridays when I'd come home from school she let me help her make a cake. As you can imagine, being a young boy, that cake was all I thought about that whole week." He smiled and Liz was laughing. "I'd come in the door, rip my shoes off, hang up my bag and go running into the kitchen." Liz could see the happiness in his eyes as he laughed. "We'd have that cake eaten before Saturday afternoon." He paused. "That's how I remember my parents."

"And the house, you've held on to it all these years." She realized.

"I couldn't let it go." He pouted his lip and gave a quick nod before hooking his arm back around hers. "Come on, There's one more place I'd like to show you."

He continued to lead her down the small pathway for several more minutes when suddenly the quiet wood was filled with the sound of rippling water. The brush began to clear and there, off to the right of the trail was a creek. Red released her arm and bent down to brush off a log that sat a few feet from the water's edge. He laid his coat down over top the log and motioned for her to have a seat. He sat down beside her and looked at the water. "When I was seventeen I got a summer job working for this little old man named Jon Caprinski. He owned a tackle shop just down the road from us and he had offered me a job giving fishing lessons to the kids. I wasn't exactly a fisherman myself, I mean I knew how to tie a lure and bait a hook, but I wasn't fit to be teaching anyone or anything. But I did it. Every morning I woke up at the crack of dawn and I'd walk down to the tackle shop, gather up the poles and get all the gear ready for when the kids showed up and once they did, I would bring them here." He paused. "I could have been doing a million other things, but instead I spent my entire summer with those kids. From seven in the morning to three or four in the afternoon. It was almost like a summer camp. But the thing of it was, that fall I shipped off to the navy and before I left, I promised them that when I got out I'd come back. I remember it was the third or fourth day of training and we were in the pool doing some cardio...strengthening, aerobic whatever and all I could think about was how much I wanted to be back with those kids fishing in this little creek. The whole time I was there I kept hanging on to the thought of 'as soon as I get out, I'm going to see those kids'." He took a deep breath and swallowed. "Then my life turned out to have different plans for me...and I never made it back. This is the first time I've been here since that summer in '77." He paused. "I promised them that I would come back...and I didn't." He shook his head. "After all these years it still bothers the hell out of me." Liz reached down and took his hand. She was confused almost. She wasn't sure how to take all of this.

"Why are you telling me all of this?" She looked at him and he took a while to meet her eyes and turn away from the water.

"Because I want you to know who I am. Who I was." He paused and twitched his lip. "To show you that I wasn't always this..." Red didn't finish, he just pursed his lips and turned away. Liz was stifled.

"You really do believe you're a monster, don't you?"

"I've done terrible things, Lizzie."

"So have I." Red looked at her. "Am I a monster? Red just because you've done monstrous things doesn't mean you're a monster." The clouds overhead began to turn dark and thunder roared across the sky. Liz looked up to see the clouds for a brief second before ignoring it and focusing back on Red. "All the good things you've done to try and make up for the bad- it certainly doesn't fix what you've done, but it means something that you tried. You could've just seen the wreckage you left behind and walked away. They feel no remorse. That's what a monster does. But you- you stayed to try and clean up the pieces, tried to fix it. That is what a good man does. You're a good man, Red." Red bit the inside of his cheek and his eyes sank as he swallowed the last bit of guilt he held.

"Thank you." Rain drops began to fall on the log between them. Red looked up and squinted his eyes and a droplet splattered onto his cheek. He looked back at Liz and the sky lit up with lightening as the rain suddenly poured down on top of them. "I think that's our cue." Lizzie laughed and nodded her head. He returned a smile and stood, taking Liz's hands and helping her to her feet. He grabbed his coat from the log and threw it over her head, and they began to run. They were laughing and screaming as they sprinted down the slippery path, trying to get back to the house as quickly as they could.

Back at the house they shed their sopping wet clothes and both changed into pajamas. Red got a fire going in the fireplace while Liz mad some hot tea. The furniture wasn't exactly dry from being stained yet so red threw a blanket down on the floor for them to sit on. He grabbed a few books, a puzzle and his chess set and set them down with the blanket. He took a seat and she came in with the tea. Her hair was wrapped up in a towel and she was wearing a button up flannel and matching pants. Her eyes were so blue and her skin was so pale. She just looked, so, beautiful. She was literally breath taking. As soon as he saw her step into the room and hand him the cup, it was like a cool breeze had brushed his cheek. But it was strange because he didn't feel cold- he felt warm. "Thank you." He said taking the cup from her.

"You're welcome"

Liz had never played chess before, so he showed her how and they played for a few hours before they called it quits and set it aside and decided to rest. They both fell asleep but when she woke up, she was alone. She sat up and turned around to find red sitting at the kitchen table disassembling his .45 and cleaning it. She took a seat adjacent to him at the table; She could've said something, could've started a conversation, but she didn't. She didn't want to. She just wanted to sit there and watch him. Watch his hands make the meticulous movements, watch his eyes wander over the parts keenly, watch his teeth clamp down onto his lip. He was focused, and so was she.

And that's how it was going to be. From now on, this is how it would be. Conversations, board games, and long periods of silence. But she wouldn't have it any other way, and neither would he. Because what they both came to realize was that those long periods of silence, those unspoken words, were the best conversations they ever had. For it were the things that were never spoken that screamed the loudest. It was the all the small glances, shy smiles, and little touches that said everything. They both knew, but neither of them ever said. They were on a level of mutual understanding, trust, and knowledge of each other that they would never have with someone else. That was them. And that's how they'd always be.


End file.
